Breaking News: Internal Medicine Attending is “Old as F**k”
LOS ANGELES, CA – Gomerblog has been alerted by several concerned nurses and medicine residents to the appearance of an ancient bent-out-of-shape internal medicine attending who can best be described as “old as f**k.” By our estimations here, he is roughly 15 years older than the age at which he should have died.
We have not learned of his actual identity just yet, as we’re afraid the act of conversation might be enough to send Dr. Geri McFartson six feet underground. The artificial hospital lighting accentuates his fossilized skin. His gait is exhausted and gives off the impression that he will perish during morning rounds. The stethoscope around his neck seems almost too much to bear for this grizzled geezer. One worries that at any moment his head will fall off or his spine will snap in two.
Time stands still as he sits down at the conference table, which may as well be his coffin. Many wonder if he’ll ever get up again, or what his epitaph will say.
Everyone on the floor pauses and stares at the broken down, debilitated doctor. Is he awake? Is he sleeping? Is he dead? Is he a ghost? How f**king old is this dude?! No one knows.
Even the chaplain passing by says a quick prayer for the soon-to-be deceased.
The team of internal medicine interns and students who alerted Gomerblog to this relic of the past hope that Old F**ker, M.D. isn’t their new attending; they’ve never had to resuscitate a supervising physician before or place one in hospice. They’re hoping he’s just another demented nursing home resident who managed to steal someone’s white coat.
And hopefully he’s DNR too. He better be. By George, he better be. He’s f**king old.