Know Your White Coats

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The physician white coat comes with a strong sense of entitlement. At $3,000 tuition per square inch, this is the most expensive coat that also carries the distinction of being completely useless in winter.  It is typically left unbuttoned, allowing it to flow freely during a brisk walk to the ICU.  This makes the physician look much larger and scarier than they actually are, which is helpful for any chance encounters with a bear or a charge nurse.

 

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A nurse practitioner’s white coat is often adorned with a hefty inferiority complex.  As many credentials as possible will be prominently displayed on the front of the coat, beginning with kindergarten graduation and ending with their high score in bowling.  At first glance, this coat looks like the physician white coat, but no, it’s totally different.

 

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This white coat is also long and white and a coat, but is unique in its ability to embody its wearer with supernatural vein puncturing ability.  It also has pockets, but they are different from other white coat pockets.  Just trust me.

 

 

 

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This white coat is sputum resistant and really is totally different from all other white coats, which are sputum absorbent for some reason.

 

 

 

 

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The wearer of this white coat bears the weight of one thousand consults on their shoulders.  Therefore, this coat is made from light weight, microfiber unlike other white coats.  I promise, it’s completely different.

 

 

 

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This white coat comes with a six-figure salary at a quarter of the debt when compared to the physician coat.  You might think this coat is the same as any other white coat, but it’s not.  Don’t be ridiculous.

 

 

 

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This person cooks your food.  They can wear whatever the f**k they want.

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