DORAVILLE, GA – Despite the self-loathing and disappointment it causes, area man Brandon Miller just doesn’t care and has fessed up, saying he cannot resist the urge to stick his pinky finger into his belly button and smell it over and over again.
“There’s something about it… The smell is so awful, so disturbing, yet so unusual, so interesting, so… intoxicating,” Miller tried to reason to us, though he didn’t have to explain it. We know. We all know exactly what he’s talking about. “I mean, what is that?!”
According to one online survey, 98% of Americans admit to secretly enjoying that strange but oddly pleasing odor coming from our innies and outies. The other 2% had their fingers in their belly buttons, thus preventing them from adequately filling out the survey.
“We can stent blockages in the heart and we can perform organ transplants,” said Thomas O’Riley, an otolaryngologist intoxicated by belly button body odor (BBBO). “But the mystery of the umbilical odor has eluded scientists since the dawn of mankind, when neanderthals, shortly after discovering fire, starting digging around down there. A hundred thousand years later, here we are still digging around down there, as if looking for our origins or our umbilical cord, and taking a whiff as if it will unlock the meaning of life.” According to O’Riley, he truly believes there is a pleasure center in the amygdala associated with this most unusual of human habits. Either that or, as a species, we’re really f**king weird.
Miller is the first human being to openly admit his obsession and believes many more people are closeted belly button picker-smellers and hopes that his story inspires others to come forward.
“I mean, seriously, smell that, smell that!” Miller insisted, offered his pinky with brownish-yellow schmutz to our Gomerblog team. We couldn’t resist and took a deep breath, soaking in that horridly delicious natural perfume. “Good God, what is that?! Lemme smell it again!!”