If you have ever thanked God for the presence of a CRNA student and their multiple A-line attempts because it gave you time to run upstairs and forage for food in the surgeon’s lounge…
If you have mastered the art of the toasted PB&J sandwich with the industrial, finicky, but misunderstood lounge toaster…
If you know that changing shoes half-way through a hellish call day makes the world of difference (any shoes… just a new something to torture, cradle your aching feet) …
If you know more phone extensions than the hospital operator…
If you regularly sweet talk radiology techs and secretaries into making small miracles happen…
If the trauma bay is where old running shoes go to retire…
If the first order you wrote as a licensed physician was 5-325 Norcos….
If you have ever received a consult from MICU on Friday at 4 PM…based on a CT scan ordered at 8 AM….
If you’ve ever positioned a patient in lateral decubitus with plenty of pillows… and found yourself wishing for a stack of pillows and a nap…
If you have the ability to simultaneously listen and respond to the CRNA muttering about starting pressors, your attending intent on the case, the scrub tech searching for a missing piece of equipment, the circulating RN whispering about a case delay, and the whane beep of an unanswered pager…
If you have ever eaten cereal at work after 5 PM…
If you have ever walked out to your car after a late day, realized it’s the only one left in the parking deck, and felt like the protagonist in a bad horror movie…
If you feel guilty about going home early, even when there is literally nothing to be followed up on or done…
If you have ever tried to answer a phantom page…
If you ever have found yourself on a patio with an adult beverage and seen a helicopter speeding overhead, and have chuckled and raised your glass to the trauma chief who is definitely NOT YOU tonight….
If you have ever planned a weekend off… six weeks ahead of time…
And if you found yourself nodding along with all of these…
YOU MAY BE A SURGERY RESIDENT!
