Stryker drone

Secretary Tom Price Deploys Stryker Drone to Mass Vaccinate America for Flu

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Stryker drone strike

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Fresh off ex-fixing the Washington Monument, new Secretary of Health and Human Services and orthopedic surgeon Tom Price has turned his attention to preventive health.  Just yesterday, Price deployed a brand new Stryker drone loaded with thousands of rocket-propelled syringes filled with the flu vaccine.

In a press conference soon after the launch, Price lauded the program for its ingenuity and effectiveness.  “Today is an exciting day,” Price proclaimed.  “As we speak, 27-gauge needles are raining down on the American people, finally putting an end to the influenza virus for an entire year.”

Price and Stryker intend to expand the therapeutic drone program in the coming months. Stryker CEO Kevin Lobo announced that they will soon be releasing an Ancef drone to provide every American with antibiotics prior to orthopedic surgery.  When asked how he will avoid people who are not having surgery, Lobo responded, “There are only two kinds of people, pre-op and post-op, and they all need antibiotics.”

Sources close to Secretary Price confirm that he has plans to use drones to treat a wide variety of diseases, including osteoarthritis of the knee, osteoarthritis of the hip, osteoarthritis of the shoulder, and syphilis.

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  • Dr. Glaucomflecken

    Following a successful career as a doctor impersonator, Dr. Glaucomflecken decided to attend a real, accredited medical school and residency program. Now he spends his time treating eyeballs, occasionally forgetting that they belong to an actual human body. Dr. Glaucomflecken specializes in knowing where to look when talking to somebody with a lazy eye. He started writing for GomerBlog after being told to “publish or perish.” Follow me on Twitter @DGlaucomflecken

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