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Need to have yourself a good cry, but not sure where to go?  Gomerblog is here to help!  We followed 15 interns for an entire year and have come up with a list of hands down the best places in the hospital to simply let go and sob to your heart’s content.

crying doctor cry

1. The Stairwell

This is an intern’s favorite spot.  Nobody takes the stairs anymore, so it’s nice and secluded.  The sounds of your sobbing will echo throughout the length of the stairwell, so interns crying on different floors can find each other and cry together if needed.

2. Patient’s Bathroom

If you’ve ever been called to a patient’s room at 2 AM for “an upset tummy” and felt the sudden urge to weep in despair, the best option is to excuse yourself to the patient’s bathroom and let loose.  There’s a good chance the patient is mostly deaf and won’t hear you.  If not, tell them you are checking on their most recent stool, then explain that you are crying tears of joy because the stool was so healthy.

3. Radiology Reading Room

It’s dark, so it’s easy to hide your crying.  All you need to do is present the radiologist with a list of abdominal CT scans you want to look at with them slice by slice. Simply stand behind them and cry silently as the radiologist talks to you about lymph nodes and branches of the abdominal aorta.

4. Autoclave

This spot is often overlooked.  Nobody goes in there (it will kill you), but mostly because nobody really knows where it is.  If you choose to cry in an autoclave and somebody turns it on, it’s ok, that means it will all be over soon.

5. Middle of ER, in Plain Sight

Nothing says “Don’t ask me to do anything right now” quite like a health care employee weeping openly in the middle of a busy ER at 3 PM in the afternoon.  Don’t hold back.  What you lose in respect, you’ll gain in eggshells people walk on when they are around you.

6. Rooftop

You can moan, scream, and wail with nobody around.  Be careful, if you’re too loud, people on the ground below will hear you and assemble a crisis intervention team.

7. Broken Elevator

It doesn’t matter who broke it.  Who cares which intern or nurse opened the control panel and ripped out all the wires while tears streamed down their face.  It’s broken.  Just sit there and cry in it.

8. Psych Ward

I really feel like I don’t have to explain why this would be an excellent place to cry.

9. The Morgue

In the morgue, not only can you let out your emotions in private, there are at least 15-20 bodies that will silently listen to all your problems.  This is the perfect option if listening to you talk makes living people want to kill themselves.

10. Front of Auditorium During Grand Rounds

The ability to deliver an entire presentation while sobbing at the podium says a lot about your perseverance and dedication to your work.  Make sure to stabilize the laser pointer with your other hand so that your hysteria-induced tremor doesn’t distract the audience.

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Dr. Glaucomflecken
Following a successful career as a doctor impersonator, Dr. Glaucomflecken decided to attend a real, accredited medical school and residency program. Now he spends his time treating eyeballs, occasionally forgetting that they belong to an actual human body. Dr. Glaucomflecken specializes in knowing where to look when talking to somebody with a lazy eye. He started writing for GomerBlog after being told to “publish or perish.” Follow me on Twitter @DGlaucomflecken