FRONT YARD – When third-year medical student Krista Adams left for the hospital at 4:15 AM this morning, multiple birds in the area were left wondering why on Earth any human would get up so early. “I don’t even get up that early,” reported a nearby North American goldfinch. “There is no conceivable reason why any diurnal mammal should be awake at such an ungodly hour.”
Some birds are concerned that med students waking up to pre-round so early is starting to make them obsolete. “I don’t get it,” announced a flabbergasted house sparrow. “We already wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and start making a bunch of racket. What’s the point of humans waking up before we get a chance to annoy the hell out of them?”
According to local ornithologists, the departure time of med students from their homes has had an ecological impact in recent years. Studies have shown that birds are avoiding medical student habitats altogether. Birds in some areas of the country are so fed up with med students waking them up before dawn that they’ve resorted to egging student houses with their own eggs.
“Birds need their sleep,” states amateur ornithologist Tom Nightingale while peering through binoculars on his front porch. “Some birds would rather sacrifice their young to make a statement than simply moving to a forest or the front yard of an ophthalmologist.”