TAMPA, FL – With a quizzical look on his face and a first held to his epigastrium, circus performer and sword swallower, Matthew the Magnificent, told Gomerblog that he is stymied because he can’t figure out why he has terrible reflux all of a sudden, this while waving a curved, blood-tinged saber that was sitting in his upper gastrointestinal tract just moments ago.
“Let’s see,” began Matthew as he slowly recalled the events of the past 24 hours, “I had a banana and a Yoplait yogurt for breakfast… a garden salad with balsamic vinaigrette and mixed fruit for lunch… 10 freshly-sharpened swords with varying degrees of rust and blades ranging from 15 to 20 inches in length tearing up my esophagus and stomach lining before I took my afternoon nap… a few slices of pepperoni pizza for dinner…” He shook his head, feeling like a moron, as he realized his mistake. “Duh, it’s the pizza! I can’t eat greasy stuff like that, it makes my reflux act up!”
Matthew the Magnificent hopes to take his mind off of the abdominal discomfort, for a few hours at the very least, by honing his fire-eating skills.