A helicopter prepares to throw five unprepared July medicine interns into a raging fire

ATLANTA, GA – For brand new interns, July 1 is the day where they often feel like they’re being thrown into the fire.  For five really unfortunate interns at Georgia Medical Center (GMC), their Internal Medicine Residency Program leadership is actually throwing them into an uncontrolled, smoke-laden blaze to put things into perspective.

“IF YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS FIREBALL,” screamed Dr. Tobias Frankel, Assistant Program Director of the Internal Medicine Residency Program at GMC, out the helicopter door towards his dangling interns in case they couldn’t hear him over the rotating propellers or roaring flames, “THEN YOU CAN SURVIVE INTERN YEAR.  GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU!”  He added moments later: “KEEP THOSE WHITE COATS CLEAN AND DON’T VIOLATE YOUR WORK HOURS EITHER.”

Just as the rope was jettisoned, the interns let out piercing screams and defeated sighs as reality seized them; they understood what future lies ahead.  To make matters even worse, their pagers are completely flame retardant.

One of the five interns, Gob Bloom, was heard uttering these words before free-falling and being consumed by the intense, 70-foot-tall inferno: “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.