ASGARD – According to witnesses, Thor, Norse God of Thunder, was recently spotted at a local hospital crushing patellar tendons with his mighty new reflex hammer. Wielding a black, triangular rubber mallet sitting atop a 6-foot-tall steel frame, Thor has been busy obliterating every patellar tendon he can find.
Hospital administrators are baffled as to how nobody noticed a 7-foot Nordic demigod with flowing blonde hair and piercing blue eyes clad in leather and gold-plated armor demolishing every tendon he can find throughout the hospital.
“Maybe he was wearing a white coat,” postulated Steve Sargent, hospital administrator and witness to the carnage. “The strange thing is that Thor recorded the reflexes on every tendon he annihilated into the medical record,” continued Sargent. “They were all listed as 2+.”
According to hospital reports, the invincible Asgardian moved from room to room with supersonic speed, twirling his reflex hammer faster than the speed of light before bringing it down onto every patellar tendon he could find with earth-shattering force. Thor could be heard bellowing “FOR ASGARD!!” with each tendon thrashing.
At press time, witnesses report Thor had moved on to conquering Achilles tendons.
