CHICAGO, IL – The long white coat has long been a symbol of a young doctor’s achievement in completing medical school and entering residency. However, residents from all over the country have forgone the traditional white coats supplied by the hospital and instead choose to wear expensive embroidered black fleece jackets that they purchase themselves on limited funds. One Chicago area hospital could not be happier.
“We have recently noticed that our laundry budget has been drastically reduced since this trend has taken place,” states Outside Hospital CEO Gimmy Money. “We completely support this move, as it helps patients distinguish the residents from the real doctors or custodians.”
“Initially, the hospital was planning on providing the black jackets to the residents in lieu of the white coats,” states OPM Uniform Director Kalvin Clein, “but none of the departments could agree upon a specific brand. Therefore, we were able to completely do away with our uniform and laundry budget and pass the costs on to the residents.”
“Surveys went out in the beginning of the year to select a provider for the jackets. Shockingly, the residents were adamantly against Cintas, but that was the only thing they could agree on.”
Clein continues, “For example, even though most ER residents are pale little dorks who get nose bleeds just trying to reach for the last Freezie Pop in the back of the patient nutrition freezer, they demanded to have The North Face fleeces. Orthopedic surgeons were only comfortable in Under Armour gear, preferably without sleeves. Anesthesiologists have a propensity to be cold, so they preferred Polar Edge Parkas. Family medicine residents asked for store brand jackets, such as Champion. Plastic surgeons liked Patagonia and hand surgeons preferred Burberry. Most interestingly, the pediatric department supported a write in campaign for OshKosh B’Gosh.”
Proponents of the change feel that the white coat is a tradition of professionalism and should not be so easily discarded. In response, Clein states, “Professionalism is our top priority. Pharmacists, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, and many other non-MD staff will still be dressed in the usual long white lab coats. We also will be keeping tradition by making all our medical students look like total douche-bags by continuing to have them wear short white coats.”