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palliative care goals of the fight
Futile.  (Courtesy of Mark J. Rebilas – USA TODAY Sports)

LAS VEGAS, NV – The smallish crowd of 14,623 at T-Mobile Arena wasn’t surprised when referee and palliative care nurse practitioner Robert Byrd stopped the mega-fight between 49-0 Floyd “Money” Mayweather and MMA fighter great but boxing rookie Conor McGregor in the 10th round in order to address the latter’s goals of the fight.

“Look, this fight is going to take it’s natural course in that you will lose, there’s no way to change that outcome no matter what you do.  He’s been boxing’s most dominant fighter over the past decade, for Pete’s sake,” Byrd told McGregor in a heart-to-heart talk in the corner of the ring.  “I’m sorry, but anything else is a stall.  Are you sure you want to keep fighting?  Can we call any family or friends?  Or maybe a random stranger rooting you on in front of a TV in Ireland?  How about some morphine?”

McGregor was adamant that he would keep fighting “even if they have to carry me out on a ventilator.”

Byrd let the fight continue for a few more seconds, but ultimately McGregor had nothing left.  Mayweather landed punch after punch, and at 1 minute and 5 seconds into the 10th round Byrd called the fight in favor of futility and even gave a heads up to inpatient hospice.  McGregor felt that Byrd called the fight too early, that he still had some quality of life left.

In victory, Mayweather gave McGregor the ultimate compliment: he gave him kudos.

Mayweather moved his record to 50-0.  He looks forward to a hefty paycheck, though admits he is worried about drowning in “all this cash” and aspirating a bunch of Benjamins into his lungs.  Mayweather will now retire undefeated and a full code.

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.