medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire infectious enthusiasm

Med Student with Crushing Debt Terrified He Will Like Family Medicine

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MAYWOOD, IL – Citing concerns about his crushing debt, local 3rd-year med student Aaron Ferguson reports that he is “terrified” he will enjoy his family medicine rotation.  “It sounds pretty good,” admitted a cautiously optimistic Ferguson.  “You get to do a little bit of everything: pediatrics, geriatrics, obstetrics.  The only thing you can’t do as a family doctor is pay back $300,000 in loans.”

Studies show Ferguson isn’t the only med student struggling with an unfortunate desire to be a family physician.  A study out of Stanford reports that 85% of medical students with 6-figure debt suffer night terrors brought on by an unwavering love for family medicine and pediatrics.

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“It’s disconcerting to say the least,” reports lead author and psychologist Lester Flanks.  “One young med student keeps having a recurring dream in which she successfully counsels a patient to stop smoking.  Unfortunately, she has a net worth of minus $315,873.  It’s heartbreaking.”

The American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) is urging students with overwhelming debt to “take it easy” on their family medicine rotations so as to avoid experiencing too much enjoyment.  Furthermore, the AAFP recommends indebted med students act aloof, show up late, and avoid asking residents if there is anything more they can do.  By following these guidelines, med students with astronomical loans can develop the right mindset for higher-paying specialties like ophthalmology and dermatology.

At press time, Ferguson was reportedly seen shaking his head in dismay after receiving a hug from a grateful elderly patient.

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