• 687
Cookie Monster Sexy Bod

JUST WEST OF SESAME STREET – Holy sexiness, Batman!  So much has been happening in the news recently that it’s hard to lose sight of what really matters, which is why Gomerblog is here to report that Cookie Monster – yes, that Cookie Monster – is looking hotter and sexier than ever!  Slim, trim, and still with those seductive googly eyes, Cookie Monster was spotted recently showing off his new hot bod in a nearby Whole Foods earlier today.

“Me Veggie Monster.  Me Fruit Monster.  That all there is to it,” Cookie Monster told Gomerblog between bites of quinoa and spinach, his taut blue fur glistening under the lighting of the produce aisle, poetry in motion.  “Me love to eat fruits.  Me love to eat veggies.  Om nom nom nom!”

Cookie Monster doesn’t seem to be worried if he alienates his followers who adore his gluttonous sweet tooth.  “Who care if me eat carrot or collard greens,” he explained, performing bicep curls with his shopping basket full of fresh vegetation.  It’s hard not to stare.  “Me also like broccoli and lettuce and lima beans.”  When asked how he prefers to prepare his fruits and vegetables, he replied, “Sometimes me eat whole, sometimes me chew it.  Om nom nom nom!”

Good God, he’s SMOKIN’.

After several bouts of diabetic ketoacidosis due to his 100,000 calorie cookie-only diet, the now ridiculously-toned muppet cleaned up his diet, gave up sweets, and over the past year he has not only shed the weight, losing about 150 lbs. and getting his HBA1c under 8 for the first time in decades, but feels better and more confident than ever.

“Me sexy bitch!” Cookie Monster said, rubbing his nipples.

Ryan Gosling, George Clooney: you got nothing on Sesame Street’s newest heartthrob.  Cookie Monster has brought sexy back and he’s doing it with kale, baby!  You’ll never look at carrots the same way.  Way to go, Cookie Monster, on making us swoon and setting a good example for our children at the same time.  Healthy living FTW!

  • 687
Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.