Navy all hands on dick

Emergency: Navy Urologist Calls Out ‘All Hands on Dick!’

  • 517

NORFOLK, VA – Realizing that this simple procedure was taking a turn for the worst and giving him more than he can handle, Navy urologist Richard Dix-Johnson called out “All hands on dick!  All hands on dick!”

Navy all hands on dick
“Hurry, someone’s dick needs us!”

Within 60 seconds, nearly 3,000 sailors and other personnel swiftly flocked into the urology suit and placed their collective 6,000 hands on the male patient’s genitals as instructed by Dix-Johnson, equally distributing them along the meatus, shaft, and scrotum.  Some even huddled around the anus in case of a “full-blown Fournier’s.”  After a few quick instructions to his complement of men and women, Dix-Johnson called out, “There, perfect!  Now all of you: Hold still!”

Five tense minutes passed, but thankfully disaster was averted and Dix-Johnson completed the case without complication.  Dix-Johnson thanked everyone for their hard work and unbelievably prompt response, though he reminded everyone that next time they all should probably take a few extra seconds to glove up.

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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