MAN’S SMALL BOWEL – For those who have been keeping score, it has been an absolute nail-biter as probiotics Lactobacillus & Bifidobacterium and antibiotics Levaquin & Flagyl battle for supremacy in this poor man’s small intestines.
“It’s what I imagined Mayweather-Pacquiao would have been like if it had taken place 5 years sooner than it did,” said gastroenterologist and boxing fanatic Rodrigo Ruiz. “For the first few rounds, Levo & Flagyl were taking it to the probiotics, but then Lacto & Bifido started coming back strong. Now it’s just back and forth, all of them landing punches at will, and nobody knows who’s gonna come out on top!”
What was once thought to be a viral gastroenteritis has shifted towards one of bacterial proportions. Persistent fevers, abdominal pain, and diarrhea, led internist Roberta Innards under the pressure of adoring fans to start both probiotics and antibiotics yesterday, and it has been a slobber-knocker ever since.
“Though the probiotics were listed as a 3:1 underdog, we all knew it was going to be a good fight no matter what the outcome,” said charge nurse Eleanor Jones, watching vividly despite being in contact precautions. “This is one I’m going to tell my grandkids about, no doubt about it.”
The fight is so evenly contested that even the suspected infection for which both probiotics and antibiotics were prescribed, C. difficile, was watching with ringside seats with vested interest as this plays out in real time.
“Look, if you wanna be the best, you gotta beat the best,” C. diff told Gomerblog, while being collected in a specimen cup by Nurse Jones. “So, no, I don’t have a preference, but whoever wins is a worthy opponent I’ll be happy to face.”
Rumors are even circulating that whoever comes out on top will not only face C. diff but that the subsequent winner of that battle will go on to take on Conor McGregor.