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PARIS, FRANCE – In breaking news that has the fashion industry stirring, designers at Christian Dior are bringing style back into isolation rooms by replacing the boxy and boring isolation gowns of old with absolutely stunning, bright, and voluptuous maize isolation ballroom gowns.

yellow isolation ballroom gowns
“Look at how beautiful and confident she is taking care of that patient with C. diff!”

“Let’s face it, these old contact precautions gowns were hideous,” said Dior spokesperson Marie Cocteau.  “The color was a sickly yellow.  The fabric… Ugh, the fabric was pitiful, it would come apart in a gust of wind.  Then the tie?  Or was it a belt?  Well, whatever that thing was, just horrible.  And then when you put it on?  It was totally unflattering.  How can one feel good, feel sexy in such a thing?”

Dior’s design team believed that in any isolation room, just because the patient was the center of care didn’t mean the health care provider couldn’t be the center of chic.  “We want to make perfectly clear,” said Cocteau, “that any person who wears an isolation gown should have the right to be and feel like the most beautiful person in that isolation room, whether that patient hacking up a lung likes it or not.  And what happens when you feel great?  You give great care.”

The first striking feature of the new Dior yellow isolation ballroom gowns is the vibrant hue.  “This isn’t urine yellow or jaundice yellow, this is out-in-the-sun vitamin D happy maize yellow,” said Ralph Lauren, absolutely in awe.  “The care team member who walks into that isolation room will be radiant like the sun.”  That’s important for patients in rooms without windows.

Next, the length of the ballroom gown is both luscious and luxurious.  Though some say that these flowing fabrics could easily become contaminated, Cocteau argues that “more fabric, just means more protection.”  She was then quick to point out that the lack of fabric over the shoulders, arms, hands, and chest in women’s gowns was a necessary fashion decision and a risk worth taking.  “After all,” she added, “can you put a price on feeling like a princess?”

So is it easy to gown up?

“Absolutely not,” said Michael Kors, who also is thrilled by Dior’s gowns.  “It takes at least five people and two hours to put on, perhaps it’s slightly quicker to take off.  But look at it, just look at it.  Wouldn’t you want to spend as much time as possible in that gorgeous gown?”

The Dior yellow isolation ballroom gowns are now available online starting at $2,500 apiece.  As for the male providers out there, don’t worry about having to put on a ballroom dress; Dior is designing an equally brilliant saffron isolation tuxedo, to be announced later this fall.

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.