signout mood graph
Conclusion: It is always better to give than receive.

JACKSON HOLE, WY – After observing thousands of signouts over the past 12 months, Gomerblog has constructed a graph depicting the mood of health care professionals depending on their role during the signout process.  If there are any exceptions to this, well, those health care professionals are weird.

At time of signout, the person giving signout is usually mentally drained and defeated.  But as that person progresses through the signout and realizes that he or she gets to go home soon and not have to think about any patient care, his or her mood brightens considerably independent of the level of fatigue.  In the case of a doctor, completion of signout is usually followed by the turning off of the pager, which nine times out of ten leads to orgasm.

As for the person receiving signout, he or she was in a good mood prior to entering the hospital because he or she wasn’t in the hospital yet.  But as that person listens to signout, which inevitably involves gomers and gomeres piled onto train wrecks and hot messes, his or her mood plummets straight into a defeated state.  The state of anguish persists until he or she gets to give signout.

What is the trick to everlasting happiness then?  Give signout on patients then leave the medical profession.  Forever.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.