ATLANTA, GA – Through a series of questionnaires and polls, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has uncovered a secret epidemic in which a startling 10 out of 10 health care professionals are secretly bothered, annoyed, and disappointed that Vaseline and baseline don’t rhyme at all.
“Seven of the eight letters are totally the same, damn it!” exclaimed one frustrated metro Atlanta nurse. “How do they not rhyme? Just because one word has a B and the other one has a V? How does Vaseline have three syllables and baseline only has two? Man, if I were a rapper, I’d be so pissed.”
The surveys found that when not talking about patient care, medical professionals are often debating this very topic. In fact, it even spills over from the work place and dominates dinnertime conversations among friends and families. This newfound knowledge is crucial: Is this brewing discontent by these two similar-looking but so dissimilar-sounding words then contributing to the high prevalence of burnout in all health professionals?
“It’s an unequivocal yes,” commented burnout specialist Dr. Kevin Pho of burnout website KevinMD. “As nurses and doctors and physician assistants and everyone else type their notes on EHRs, their brains automatically gravitate to the baseline-Vaseline travesty and ultimately pushes them over the edge. How do they not rhyme?! Come on, look at them! It’s mind-boggling. Not even the worst drug seeker can cause this much frustration.”
The CDC admits the findings are no less than “eye-opening.” The CDC has already formed a Task Force of Medical Etymology with billions in secured funding. Their ten-year goal is to find a solution and “somehow, some way” makes these two damn words rhyme.
“As it stands not even Eminem can bend these words to rhyme,” the CDC told Gomerblog. “That’s when you know you have a problem on hand.”