medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire
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medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire
“So it doesn’t have to do with animals then?”

MIAMI, FL – Today during bedside rounds first-year medical student Eric Smiley was asked what he could tell the team about the CAGE questionnaire.  Unsure, Smiley replied, “I don’t know, I’ve never heard of the cage questionnaire.  Am I supposed to use it if the patient has any pets?”

How totally adorbs!

For reasons you can understand, the attending, resident, and interns on the medicine team let out a loud, melodious “Awwww!!!”  They patted him on the head, even pinched his cheeks as they walked out of the room together.

Based on the initial reactions, Smiley thought he had guessed right.  With each passing minute, however, he realized that probably wasn’t the case.  The team just smiled, giggled every time he made eye contact with them.

“Guys, I’m guessing it has nothing to do with pets,” Smiley admitted, finding this an opportune time to learn from his mistakes and grow from it.  “Can someone explain it to me?”

“Why, sure,” explained third-year resident Julie Jaded-Green.  “It’s a questionnaire specifically designed for when actor Nicolas Cage is admitted.”

“Seriously?!” Smiley replied, excited.  “That’s so weird!”

“AWWW!!!!  You’re so damn cute!!”

Yes, health care is one flaming fireball of carnage right now but it’s moments like these provided by young, upcoming medical professionals that help, even if it’s only briefly, restore faith in humanity, one innocent laugh at a time.


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  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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