autopsy
“Now remember, don’t eat breakfast tomorrow if someone accidentally brings a tray to you”

NASHVILLE, TN – In an effort to minimize aspiration and prevent any further delays in management, forensic pathologist Dr. Jason Martin has made his deceased patient NPO after midnight for possible autopsy in the morning.

“The last thing we need,” Martin explained, “is for this guy to get up and eat something, have it go the wrong way, and then he develops aspiration pneumonia on top of his already-decaying lungs.”  Martin also added that postmortem antibiotics can potentially complicate the execution of an autopsy, which is why he is undertaking all the necessary precautions.

In addition to the above measures, Martin has ordered for a complete blood count, basic chemistry panel, and PT/INR with morning labs.  He has also consulted Medicine to help clear the patient prior to autopsy.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.