chest pain rule out toy elephant

Chest Pain Rule-Out: Patient with Stuffed Elephant Sitting on Chest

  • 879
    Shares

DANBURY, CT – A patient at Danbury Medical Center was admitted for chest pain rule out after he was complaining of a toy stuffed elephant sitting on his chest.

“It’s my daughter’s elephant and, sure, it looks cozy and cute, but man, it’s a beast when it’s sitting on your chest,” explained concerned patient, 48-year-old Jason Shires. “I can’t imagine what a real elephant sitting on your chest must feel like.”

Shires received the following interventions, which did finally alleviate the symptoms: aspirin, nitroglycerin, morphine, and removal of the stuffed animal, in that order.

“As much as I don’t want to admit this guy, he does have a family history of coronary artery disease, as well as a personal history of hypertension and hyperlipidemia,” explained hospitalist Dr. Amanda Sweet. “To be fair, we’ve never been taught what type of elephant has to be sitting on your chest, you know?”

In case you were asking, yes, troponins was positive. In both the patient and the stuffed elephant. Both will undergo stress testing.

image_pdfimage_print
  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like