hypoxemic Blue Journal pink

Hypoxemic Blue Journal Oxygenated Back to a Healthy Pink

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NEW YORK, NY – The chronically-hypoxemic Blue Journal, also known as the American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine, has finally been adequately oxygenated and has now turned into a nice, healthy pink color.

“Today is the finest day in the history of the American Thoracic Society, no doubt about it,” proclaimed ATS Leadership in a statement released to the press.  The Blue Journal is published by the ATS.  “From this day forward, our Blue Journal can finally be known as the Pink Journal.”

The biweekly publication has been a blue bloater ever since its first publication back in 1917.  Though its topic coverage is broad, this particular ATS publication has always focused its attention on trying to decipher why it is so cyanotic in the first place.  The Blue Journal has undergone a million dollar work-up over the past several decades, which has included numerous CTs of the chest, echocardiogram, pulmonary function tests, and bronchoscopies, without anything even hinting at a possible underlying etiology.  The Blue Journal even spent the better part of the 1990s in airborne isolation to rule out tuberculosis.

Last month, the Blue Journal underwent elective intubation and was placed on the mechanical ventilator.  It was only after ARDS-like ventilatory management that the Blue Journal started improving its oxygenation.  In the past 24 hours, the Blue Journal has lost its namesake color and turned pink.  It is slowly being weaned off the vent.  An A (or arterial line) still runs through the journal’s spine, though that will likely be removed in 48 hours.  The social worker is already making arrangements for home oxygen.

In other related news, another ATS publication called the White Journal (or the Annals of the American Thoracic Society) is currently undergoing transfusion with 2 units packed red blood cells in the hopes it will improve its pallor.

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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