COVID-19: Lady Liberty Shelters in Place on Liberty Island

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NEW YORK, NY – Heeding the warnings of local public health officials regarding pandemic COVID-19, the Statue of Liberty will shelter in place on Liberty Island for the indefinite future.

“Though anyone is susceptible to coronavirus, our elders are at highest risk of not only acquiring it but becoming the most ill,” said Mayor Bill de Blasio at a press conference earlier today. “Lady Liberty, as she always does, is leading by example. She is staying home and so should you.”

Reports from the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention found that those aged 70 to 79 years had a case fatality rate of 8%, while those aged 80 years or older had a case fatality rate of 15%. Lady Liberty is 134 years old.

New York State currently has the most cases of coronavirus in the United States, totaling over 5,000. The highest concentration of those cases are in Manhattan.

“I’ve had a lot of visitors so far in 2020, so who knows if I might have been exposed,” Lady Liberty told Gomerblog, who has been doing yoga every morning for over a century. “I might be over 100 years old, but I feel fine.”

Famous last words.

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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