Bold Hospital Planning on Operating Over Thanksgiving Weekend Without Hospital Administrators

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NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – Reutgers Medical Center recently announced that it may operate this Thanksgiving weekend without any hospital administrators in-house.  “We have been practicing trial runs by having an on-call administrator on Saturdays but taking Sundays completely off,” Janet Summers VP of nursing told reporters.

“I don’t think one administrator slept that first night when we let the hospital fly solo by not having [24-hour administrator] coverage.  When we arrived to work the next day, at 9 o’clock, not one adverse event had occurred!” she continued.  “This 96-hour span will really make us sweat.”

Reutgers is prepared to have nearly every “essential worker” stay home to “increase morale.”  They want these “critical employees” spending time with “family and friends.”  Those excluded from the free weekend include doctors, nurses, PAs, NPs, RTs, pharmacists, and most other health care professionals.

“How this hospital will function and avoid anarchy is beyond me, but being with family is very important,” said Kevin Salzar, hospital CEO, who reluctantly signed off on the deal. “Let’s see if these doctors and nurses can pull it off.  We have left them with pages of documentation and procedural papers for them to read, so they know how to practice medicine.  Heck, many in our administration have been doing their job for 20 years.  Of course they know how to tell doctors and nurses what to do by paper memo.”

The official memo warns administrators to prepare for a Monday “full of meetings to second-guess everything that happened over the long weekend.”

Nurses on 4 West have talked about having several meetings to discuss what they will talk about at future meetings if things start to get out of hand.  “My white coat has at least 50 satisfaction surveys if I get into a bind,” Dr. Hemsworth told reporters.

Other University affiliated hospitals are cautious of such a bold move.  “We officially warn Reutgers to exercise great caution with this move.  Will the monetary savings actually be worth the lives that will be lost by the lack of satisfaction surveys, committee meetings, and TPS reports that will have to wait until the following week?  We think not,” said Donald French, a top administrator for Miami University.

When reached for comment Reutgers responded, “Don’t worry it wasn’t a cost-savings decision.  All administrators will still receive their Thanksgiving bonus, we will save money by cutting holiday pay to nurses.”

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  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Margaret

    What is sad is that the last sentence is probably true.

  • Avatar
    Margaret

    Ours are in a different building!

  • Avatar
    Margaret

    Sometimes a clipboard nurse will stand there and write down what you did wrong. Like not being able to get to the patient because of all the clipboards….

  • Avatar
    Karla Mason

    This is actually funny on a strange kind of level???

  • Avatar
    James VanWinkle

    It’s July 1st and that’s a myth. Bad data bad conclusion LOL

  • Avatar
    Arlene Adler

    Many truths are said in jest!

  • Avatar
    Peggy Jewell Holstine

    Oh the Humanity!!!

  • Avatar
    Jill Norwood Dye

    As I was reading this I was thinking, ‘this is not unusual!’ Then I read the last sentence & it made perfect sense!

  • Avatar
    Jane Robles

    Safety is important. Almost as important as our satisfaction surveys!

  • Avatar
    Sally Schmall

    HMM, if I need a hospital care I think I would rather have doctors and nurses taking care of me then administarators anyway…..

  • Avatar
    Wayne Voida

    Hospital will probably run at peak efficiency.

  • Avatar
    Nikki Williford-Khan

    Lol!!!! That is hilarious!!!

  • Avatar
    Casca

    Ummm…this is a satire spoof site……
    Although I say it’s dead on accurate except they forget about the mass printed Certificates of Appreciation they will hand out Monday for everyone who worked the holiday.
    And some lucky stiffs will get a coupon good for a 5 day old free turkey sandwich from the cafeteria

  • Avatar
    Casca

    Unless it was another administrator….or their family….or their dog…….

  • Avatar
    Tammy Purdie

    Really, YOUR NURSES SHOULD GET TOP PAY,!! WITHOUT US , YOU HAVE NO HOSPITAL! !!! RUN IT YOUR DAMN SELVES!!!!

  • Avatar
    Sean Blankley

    Love the last of how to save $$…..not

  • Avatar
    Alka Fernandes

    Denesh Thangavel

  • Avatar
    Susan Garvey

    Can’t remember ever working a holiday with an administrator on site. Had supervisor who drew the short straw, but admin was usually on call. If they answered. If they returned the call..

  • Avatar
    Courtnay Bracken Shaddox

    It is gomerblog!

  • Avatar
    Kristie Hancock

    Hilarious!!

  • Avatar
    ERcele P. Reyes

    You don’t need them.You have great staff you’re ok

  • Avatar
    Pat Jusak

    Wtf?

  • Avatar
    Jonathan David LaChance

    This article is from Gomer Blog. It’s satire; it’s meant for humor.

  • Avatar
    Jonathan David LaChance

    This article is from Gomer Blog. It’s satire; it’s meant for humor.

  • Avatar
    Jonathan David LaChance

    This article is from Gomer Blog. It’s satire; it’s meant for humor.

  • Avatar
    Jonathan David LaChance

    This article is from Gomer Blog. It’s satire; it’s meant for humor.

  • Avatar
    Jonathan David LaChance

    This article is from Gomer Blog. It’s satire; it’s meant for humor.

  • Avatar
    Raegan Roundtree

    That’s why they call US PROFESSIONALS…..we know what to do. How to take care of the patients and their families…..

  • Avatar
    Kourtney Kemp

    Hospital administrators?!? Who knew they were in the hospital!

  • Avatar
    Ruth Canavan

    Makes me want to gag. Especially the last sentence.

  • Avatar
    Elizabeth Ford Dick

    Essential personnel only;)

  • Avatar
    Steve Darby

    Are they there during the week? Never noticed!

  • Avatar
    Jamie Johnson

    Hilarious. How will anyone survive?!?

  • Avatar
    Lonnie Overstreet

    25 yrs never had an administrator beside me at a code

  • Avatar
    Ramandeep Dhaliwal

    They must remain home for patient safety .

  • Avatar
    Steve Schilling

    “Reutgers” ? :D

  • Avatar
    Rana Asim Javed

    Send them home for good
    Those blood suckers !!!!

  • Avatar
    Donna Simpson Wickenden

    Yes. They cut the Holiday pay to the people that are the backbone of the hospital. THAT makes sense. Then they can have the administrators clean incontinent patients, run codes, start IVs, fight to keep combative patients from injuring the staff; (& the list goes on).

  • Avatar
    Patricia Pioro

    Cara I hope this was a hoax. Did you read the last quote about a cost saving decision? It stated administrators would still receive their holiday bonus while saving money by cutting nurses’ pay.

  • Avatar
    jack

    Our 65 bedded ICU director had been selling AC(air conditioners) 4 years before he go this job!

  • Avatar
    Andy Cole

    Hahahaha!

  • Avatar
    Kcathy Overby

    It’s the Gomer Blog. A satirical news site. It’s not real.

  • Avatar
    De Ann Rawson Sewell

    I work in the hospital. The real fact is we really don’t need them. We actually run better when there not there. But to help moral? What kind of BS I’d that to say. Your pushing your Dr, nurses, RT’S and others into the ground. Like working no stop 6-7 days a week 15-20 or more hours a day, while Administration works 9-5 m-f. This is total BS. Maybe if they want to boost moral then the Administration that has medics back rounds should work a holiday or two so WE can have some family time for a change. Just saying.

  • Avatar
    Jen Spears Barnes

    Haha, the last sentence really gets me!

  • Avatar
    Jennifer ‘Wells’ Pennon

    Admin never works any holiday, why is this news worthy?!

  • Avatar
    Kelly Dower

    Our hospital always has on call for weekends and holidays. No extra issues noted when they are not around.

  • Avatar
    Jerry Cush

    Will be best weekend of the year. Thank God the morale of the administrator a will be good

  • Avatar
    Cam Vessels

    Lmao

  • Avatar
    Scott Landry

    No TPS reports? Well played…

  • Avatar
    Marli Meredith

    I really like the last sentence!

  • Avatar
    Jennifer White Deaton

    How will the hospitals run without meetings?!?

  • Avatar
    Patricia Tavenner Levesque

    Just goes to show there is too much adm. Maybe if they cut them the hospitals would save money!

  • Avatar
    Elizabeth Svoboda

    July 1st. Our administration never works weekends.

  • Avatar
    Tracey Sunde

    I worked in an ICU that didn’t have a manager for almost a year, no one noticed except when reviews were due because it ran so smoothly

  • Avatar
    Michael Hailey

    Safer than June 1st!

  • Avatar
    Bou Ghatti

    no more hospital admin heroics during those Code Blues… better brush up on the old ACLS

  • Avatar
    Tom Dumont

    Michelle Howard Ehlert

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