easter egg hunt human orifices

Record Number of Drug Seekers Expected for Annual Easter Dilaudid Hunt

  • 4.5K
    Shares

BALDWIN, NY – The Easter Dilaudid Hunt at Baldwin Medical Center (BMC) is going all out.  This weekend, 30,000 drug seekers are expected to show up for a chance to find 1 of 5 coveted Dilaudid prescriptions for a supply of five 1-mg pills.

“Those 29,999 other drug seekers are going down!” exclaimed 360-lb. Matthew Malingerdorf, who has been suffering from 36 out of 10 chronic pain from a cut sustained while shaving last year.  “I’m going to dominate this Easter Dilaudid Hunt!  I also cannot wait to get my face painted and get a fake tattoo!  Maybe something with a pony, that’d be awesome!”

“Those prescriptions are so MINE!” claimed frequent-flier Mary McLiar, whose debilitating joint pains seemed to have disappeared upon distraction by this Easter event and now has full range of motion.  “And in case you’re wondering, I don’t have a drug problem.  Uhhhh, I just love Easter!”

BMC healthcare practitioners have hidden 5 Dilaudid prescriptions within their hospital and clinic buildings, saying that only the most determined, agile, and flexible contestants will have the best chance at finding them.  No location is considered off-limits as a hiding place.

For contestants to participate in this year’s Easter Dilaudid Hunt, they must have been nominated by a health care practitioner who “knows them too well” and agree to wear full bunny suits and hop like a bunny as they embark on their search.

According to event coordinator John Prankster, there will be a simultaneous and more traditional Easter Egg Hunt for teenagers and children.  However, the grown-up Easter Dilaudid Hunt will attract the most attention, second only to the Easter Crack and Intravenous Benadryl Hunts.  BMC anticipates a record number of spectators as well, mostly in the form of amused health care practitioners.

“The things crazy drug seekers will go through to get their fix,” said nurse Luke Algood, smuggling a laugh.  “This is gonna be great!  I’m gonna stock up on popcorn for this!”

It should be noted that these 5 Dilaudid prescriptions are fake and not redeemable for actual Dilaudid.  The contestants don’t know that.  At least not yet anyway.

“We want our drug seekers to feel welcome and have fun first,” said physician Mark Goodguy.  “Later we’ll tell them they won’t actually be getting Dilaudid and they’ll be free to leave our Easter celebration against medical advice.  We’ll even throw in an Easter egg as a parting gift.”

image_pdfimage_print
  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Maureen Saunders

    Dilala… and then snickering. Really?

  • Avatar
    Carol Ann Kutz

    Bbbwwwwaaaaaa…..I will be right over!!! Get OUT the dilaudid…

  • Avatar
    Andrèa Migneault

    Bahahahaha

  • Avatar
    Barb Lindsay

    Priceless!

  • Avatar
    John Oliver III
  • Avatar
    Melissa Morningstar Jordan

    Hahahahahahaha!

  • Avatar
    Tracy Kleist

    I know right where they are ;)

  • Avatar
    Michael Spencer

    I tell pts If the can’t pronounce dilaudid they can’t have it…it’s always dilallul….

  • Avatar
    Susan Seyfert

    So not funny in my world…

  • Avatar
    Kimberly Allen

    It sure does!

  • Avatar
    Heidi Kinsinger

    Jacquelyn Marie

  • Avatar
    Amy Grace Meredith

    I had a pt tell me that in Connecticut, EDs no longer use Percocet… Only umm what was it “begins with D… Dilaudid..” I kid you not. I burst out laughing, shook my head, said ” you cannot make this stuff up…” And walked out…there go my PG scores.

  • Avatar
    Conni Errickson Miller

    When you deal with drug seekers on a daily basis, there can never be too many dilaudid jokes.

  • Avatar
    Seema Rathi Bonney

    Kimberly Allen!! Brings back memories of centennial!!

  • Avatar
    Valerie Stewart

    So wrong…but I’m still laughing

  • Avatar
    Aaron Shiloh

    Gomerblog I love that one…one of my fondest memories of med school and internship was a young nurse who remembered me when I was an intern from a disimpaction we did together!!!

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog
  • Avatar
    Jeanine Goodwin

    Cynthia!

  • Avatar
    Kelly Summers Koch

    Oh my gosh lol

  • Avatar
    John Roy

    Aaron is right. And for those of us who aren’t American, Dilaudid as such does not exist. I had to Google it to see what the hell it was.

  • Avatar
    Aaron Shiloh

    Well Gomerblog I would rather here that at this point…disimpaction…good shit!

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    Actually fart jokes of medicine would be…fart jokes

  • Avatar
    Sarah Kohrmann

    Never enough jokes about the bane of our existence

  • Avatar
    Sarah Kohrmann

    Every day is Easter at my hospital!

  • Avatar
    Kelly Mccormack Vassallo

    A new tradition is born! What a festive event! I must suggest this to my hospital’s Community Relations people!

  • Avatar
    Karen Townley

    you can’t make this shit up// these /people are just so disgusting and stupid

  • Avatar
    Aaron Shiloh

    I mean how many dilaudid jokes can you do? It’s the fart joke of medicine. Enough

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

Slow-A** Da Vinci Holds Up Lines, Taking Forever to Vote

787SharesWASHINGTON, DC – The Da Vinci Surgical Robot is proudly exercising his right to ...

Pumpkin Wishing It Didn’t Turn Down the Gardasil Vaccine

8KSharesPUMPKIN PATCH – Local pumpkin really wishing it didn’t turn down a Gardasil shot ...