• 1.5K
    Shares

medical consult

Initial consult notes usually end with the following line: Thank you for the interesting consult.  What does that really mean?  In the first of a two-part series, our GomerBlog translators will help break down what a certain provider or subspecialty means when they write down this phrase.

Anesthesiology

Translation: So this is what a non-sedated human being looks like?!

Any Consultant Who (1) Thinks a Consult is Stupid or (2) is Fielding the Consult Between 5 PM and 5 AM

Translation: (1) You suck, (2) I hate you for making me stay late, (3) I hate you for waking me up, or (4) I’m gonna get you back for this.  Be warned: the consultant’s note will be quite passive aggressive.  For example: an irritated infectious diseases consultant may not write “afebrile,” but instead write “not even febrile once.”

Any Medical Student

Translation: Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I got to spent twelve hours with this patient and I learned so much!  I’ll remember this forever and ever!  Boy, I cant wait to go home to read up on this one!  Did I mention to say thank you?

Any Resident

Translation: WTF.

Cardiology

Translation: Ive seen higher troponinsCardiologists typically let out a giant yawn after fielding your consult.

Cardiothoracic Surgery

Translation: Why havent you called Cards or ID yet?

Dermatology

Translation: Please don’t call me on eczema ever again.

Emergency Medicine

Translation: Since when do I field consults and how on earth did you convince me to do this one?!

Endocrinology

Translation: I know you think its adrenal insufficiency, but its not adrenal insufficiency.

Gastroenterology

Translation: I cant believe you let this guy eat.  Make him NPO.

General Surgery

Translation: Haha, I cant believe you let me get away with not being the primary team on this case!  Sucker!

Hematology/Oncology

Translation: That peripheral smear really turned me on.

Hospital Medicine

Translation: Seriously, do you not know how to restart antihypertensive medications?

Infectious Diseases

Translation: Thank you for this interesting consult!  These guys are cerebral and really do enjoy challenging cases.  These guys are also socially awkward.

Nephrology

Translation: (1) Stop calling me on high potassiums due to hemolyzed samples or (2) Try fluids or diuresis; its one or the other.

Neurology

Translation: If I see one more pseudoseizure I swear…

Check out What “Thank You for the Interesting Consult” Really Means, Part 2

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.