Initial consult notes usually end with the following line: Thank you for the interesting consult. What does that really mean? In the first of a two-part series, our GomerBlog translators will help break down what a certain provider or subspecialty means when they write down this phrase.
Anesthesiology
Translation: So this is what a non-sedated human being looks like?!
Any Consultant Who (1) Thinks a Consult is Stupid or (2) is Fielding the Consult Between 5 PM and 5 AM
Translation: (1) You suck, (2) I hate you for making me stay late, (3) I hate you for waking me up, or (4) I’m gonna get you back for this. Be warned: the consultant’s note will be quite passive aggressive. For example: an irritated infectious diseases consultant may not write “afebrile,” but instead write “not even febrile once.”
Any Medical Student
Translation: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I got to spent twelve hours with this patient and I learned so much! I’ll remember this forever and ever! Boy, I can’t wait to go home to read up on this one! Did I mention to say thank you?
Any Resident
Translation: WTF.
Cardiology
Translation: I’ve seen higher troponins. Cardiologists typically let out a giant yawn after fielding your consult.
Cardiothoracic Surgery
Translation: Why haven’t you called Cards or ID yet?
Dermatology
Translation: Please don’t call me on eczema ever again.
Emergency Medicine
Translation: Since when do I field consults and how on earth did you convince me to do this one?!
Endocrinology
Translation: I know you think it’s adrenal insufficiency, but it’s not adrenal insufficiency.
Gastroenterology
Translation: I can’t believe you let this guy eat. Make him NPO.
General Surgery
Translation: Haha, I can’t believe you let me get away with not being the primary team on this case! Sucker!
Hematology/Oncology
Translation: That peripheral smear really turned me on.
Hospital Medicine
Translation: Seriously, do you not know how to restart antihypertensive medications?
Infectious Diseases
Translation: Thank you for this interesting consult! These guys are cerebral and really do enjoy challenging cases. These guys are also socially awkward.
Nephrology
Translation: (1) Stop calling me on high potassiums due to hemolyzed samples or (2) Try fluids or diuresis; it’s one or the other.
Neurology
Translation: If I see one more pseudoseizure I swear…
Check out What “Thank You for the Interesting Consult” Really Means, Part 2
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