doctor updating
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medical consult

This is a continuation from our first post: What “Thank You for the Interesting Consult” Really Means, Part 1.  Let’s go!

Nutrition

Translation: Like it or not, Im recommending a multivitamin.

OB/GYN

Translation: Not another pelvic exam for today?!  Sheesh!

Occupational Therapy

Translation: You know PT and OT are different, right?

Ophthalmology

Translation: Please learn to spell ophthalmology;it has two Hs.

Orthopedic Surgery

Translation: (1) I dont have a case or clinic today or (2) Get some imaging next time, damn it!  Chances are it’s the first translation.  Orthopedic surgeons never use real words in their note, let alone full sentences.  If real words are used instead of terms like WBAT, that orthopod probably isn’t busy.

Otolaryngology

Translation: People really need to stop picking their noses.

Palliative Care

Translation: Shouldve consulted us six months ago.

Pastoral Care

Translation: I’ll do what I can to summon divine intervention.

Pathology

Translation: Inadequate sample.

Pediatrics

Translation: You know this kids parents are crazy, right?

Pharmacokinetics

Translation: How on earth are you allowed to write prescriptions for patients?

Physical Therapy

Translation: Why did you consult us?  This persons been bedbound for a decade!

Plastic Surgery

Translation: Yeah, we won’t be able to fix this one.

Psychology and Psychiatry

Translation: If you think this guys crazy, boy, do I have some stories for you.

Pulmonology

Translation: This could be interesting, but lets treat with steroids anyway.

Radiology

Translation: Bet you didnt expect these incidental findings.

Rheumatology

Translation: Hate to disappoint you, but this is just osteoarthritis.

Social Services

Translation: Trainwreck.

Speech Therapy

Translation: This patient won’t pass the modified barium swallow!

Urology

Translation: Genitals haunt me in my sleep.

Vascular Surgery

Translation: Wow, I didn’t know an aorta could do that!

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  • Ellie Anvar

    Ben Mayo ortho lolll wbat

  • Ellie Anvar

    Ben Mayo ortho lolll wbat

  • Jananie Kumaran

    Varma Pen

  • Shauna Garris

    Yep. Guilty on the Pharmacokinetics translation.

  • Megan Louise Lantz

    Yes! Do it!!!!

  • Tammy Elizabeth

    You’ve got Pastoral Care and Pharmacokinetics and still no mention of Preventive Medicine or Public Health???? Okay. Okay. I’ll write a prev med article for you. Stop begging

  • Nicole Jenkins

    Intensive Care 2 options:
    1. You should have involved us hours ago;
    2. This referral should have gone to palliative care, they’re f**ked.

  • Mark Peterson

    Hahahaha “Trainwreck”

  • Mark Peterson

    Hahahaha “Trainwreck”

  • Eileen Left

    Radiology could not rule out anything and clinical correlation is recommended

  • Eileen Left

    Radiology could not rule out anything and clinical correlation is recommended

  • Julie Davis-Best

    gyn should be “How come no one knows what a period is?”

  • Christopher Dominique

    Wrong… plastic surgeon is saying ” we are not a wound care service”

  • Scott Anderson

    Or: “yes, you can diagnose menstruation as well as I can”

  • Cristina Farrell

    Peds… All about the parents :)

  • Dana Olson

    Gyn-she doesn’t have PID. she doesn’t even have any pelvic organs!

  • Justin Lindner

    Love the OT and PT ones.

  • Tammy Foley

    Lol train wreck so true!

  • Christine Dominguez

    Palliative Care is spot on!

  • Caitlin Foxley Siler

    rheum is “no, this ISN’T lupus”

  • Dana Cherie

    Rheumatology is spot on. Lol

  • Steve Roshia Jr.

    I love seeing “return if needed” on ER discharge paperwork. IF NEEDED should be capitalized and underlined

  • Steve Roshia Jr.

    I never understood the q4 nebs. prn for sob/wheezing sure but does somebody really need a parasympathetic nervous system stimulant at 0300?

  • Joanie Sapienza

    Bahahhahahaahahahhaahahhahhaahahahahahauahaahahahahahahauauauhaua!

  • Steve Roshia Jr.

    Ik this is satire but lr would play hell on the kidneys if run that long and if the patient has chf that md graduated bottom of his class and lasix does what it was made to do but routine lasix requires a chem8 to be drawn usually twice a week to monitor k aldactone makes life so much easier but it doesnt work as well as lasix

  • Carole Treece Scaggs

    Duoneb Q4…it cures everything

  • Daniel Robins

    Translation: sign off the next day.

  • Mark Casino-Brown

    we will “follow closely”

  • Helen Aanstoos

    Very very pleasant.

  • Mychi Huynh

    No, nutrition would say, just order some boost or ensure. Next!

  • Erica Vergara

    Love it. I’m tired of sending these!

  • Daniel Robins

    Exactly! Also discontinue the LR that has been running at 150cc/hr since surgery a week ago.

  • Chris Stalling

    Melissa Stalling ortho and path!!!! Hahaha.

  • Edward Jackson

    Pulmonary should be, “Let me just spell Lasix for you.”

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