foley catheter

Clumsy Intern Keeps Tripping Over Patients’ Foley Catheters

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BOULDER, CO – Patients, nurses, and urologists at Boulder Medical Center are starting to lose patience with intern Willie Johnson, who despite being incredibly nice and very bright, just always seems to be tripping over patients’ Foley catheters.

foley catheter“YEOWWWWWWWWWW!” exclaimed patient Steven Silver as Johnson tripped over his Foley for the second time today.  “That’s SO gonna leave a mark!”

“He’s actually one of the most respectful and intelligent interns I’ve ever met,” said supervising internal medicine attending Maria Reynolds, who thanks to Johnson is a master of operating Murphy drips.  “But every time he makes his way around the bed, you just cringe because you know something’s bad about to happen.”  (Moments later in the far off distance, a patient screams, “AY AY AYYYYY!!!!!!”)  “Looks like we have another consult for urology,” Reynolds added, followed by a long, defeated sigh.  “I’ve never seen so many grown men cry.”

“It’s always great to have business,” commented Jackson Phillips of Boulder Urology Group (BUG).  “But this is ridiculous.  This is the twentieth consult for traumatic hematuria this week alone.  Any more and we might have to ban the kid from bedside!”

According to nursing staff, Johnson has “great bedside manner,” really “connects with patients,” and “warms their hearts.”  Unfortunately, he always “disconnects their Foleys” with his “clumsy-ass lead feet” and leaves each room “spattered with blood.”

“When a room reminds you of a horror movie, you know Johnson’s been by,” said environmental services employee Alexander McDonough, who has ruined at least ten perfectly good mops cleaning up Johnson’s messes.  “He’s a great kid, but has gotta stop with the Foley tripping and bleeding penises.”

Johnson’s worst incident occurred last month in the medical intensive care unit (MICU).  He tripped over a patient’s Foley, pulled out that same patient’s rectal tube as he tried to regain his balance, and then managed to dislodge a central line and disconnect the ventilator as he fell to the ground.  Though the room was initially covered in urine, blood, secretions, tears, and disbelief, everything was promptly replaced and reconnected and, thankfully, the patient recovered without complications.

“WE HAVE ANOTHER BLEEDER!” screamed charge nurse Marianne Walters from a patient’s room down the hall.  “This one’s a DOOZY!!”

“I’M SO SORRY!” apologized Johnson, his white coat covered in blood stains of different sizes, some dried and some fresh.  “What is WRONG with me??!!”

Rumors are circulating that Johnson might be sent home in order to save all current and future penises from further intern-induced hematuria.  GomerBlog will continue to follow the story very closely with goggles on for good measure.

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  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Ing Camnito

    Never heard of 7′ tubing

  • Avatar
    Ing Camnito

    Poor choice for ICU urinary output monitoring. This is just a standard bag. This pt. is on a vent. pulmonary critical care…a urine meter is indicated.

  • Avatar
    Leah Thomas

    I’m not sure why you think this is the wrong type of bag (we don’t use leg bags in acute care for several reasons)…unless you’re referring to the extra long tube. The newer style Foleys with seemingly 7′ tubes are SATAN.

  • Avatar
    Diego Armando Merchán Puentes

    History of my life

  • Avatar
    Nile Ulgen

    To the ground!!

  • Avatar
    Ing Camnito

    Satire aside… I couldn’t help but notice the poor choice of urinary drainage bag for this setting.

  • Avatar
    Kriti Agnihotri

    They’re always in the way!

  • Avatar
    Kriti Agnihotri

    They’re always in the way!

  • Avatar
    Sukhi Hegde

    I almost did this today >.< Nile Kriti

  • Avatar
    Julie Perderdora

    An IV nurse tripped over my patients chest tube and looked at me like I was crazy for telling her to please be more careful.

  • Avatar
    Catherine Carter

    *raises hand* -_-

  • Avatar
    Kelly Mccormack Vassallo

    “The room was initially covered in urine, blood, secretions, tears and disbelief.” Sounds like my day yesterday with Jenna.

  • Avatar
    Valerie Anne

    That’s why I only put Texas catheters on confused or drunk patients unless there is true need for the indwelling

  • Avatar
    Tim Hilts

    Ouch!

  • Avatar
    Patrick DeHoff

    Knew of one who burned through his Foley with a lighter. The nurse was alerted when she heard a SNNNAP!! YEOUCH! from the room.

  • Avatar
    Jänét Dävis

    Let’s get a show of hands: How many have had patients–males in particular–pull out their own foleys?

  • Avatar
    Tammy Tavdy

    Polina P

  • Avatar
    Jo Anne Moore

    OMG I totally did that once to a patient who was sitting in a chair!

  • Avatar
    Conni Errickson Miller

    I thought this was supposed to be a satire.

  • Avatar
    Melanie Medina

    Lol

  • Avatar
    Rebecca Gage

    He’s here to start your central line…

  • Avatar
    Rebecca Gage

    He’s here to start your central line…

  • Avatar
    Alex Nesbitt

    Josh Conroy James Pearson Warren Fayers this is probably my favourite

  • Avatar
    Alex Nesbitt

    Josh Conroy James Pearson Warren Fayers this is probably my favourite

  • Avatar
    David Kudlowitz

    Arvind Devanabanda stop doing this.

  • Avatar
    David Kudlowitz

    Arvind Devanabanda stop doing this.

  • Avatar
    Monica Matilla Kraft

    Stepping on O2 tubing and hearing that familiar “peeeew”…

  • Avatar
    Monica Matilla Kraft

    Stepping on O2 tubing and hearing that familiar “peeeew”…

  • Avatar
    Brad Miller

    They are more likely to kick over the chest tube drainage system.

  • Avatar
    Angela Raczynski

    Ha ha. I tripped over an IV before. It stayed in and I fell on my knee.

  • Avatar
    Ronda Harper

    Hahaha! I giggled.

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