rectal exam glove

Rectal Exam Nuisance: New Product Changing the Way We Look at Cheeks

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MIAMI, FL – A new product by Telameto Corporation has emergency practitioners cheering for joy.  The inefficiencies of the rectal exam will quickly be history with the Guaiak Sleeve.  No more than half a finger in size, the Guaiak Sleeve promises to cut down throughput time and increase revenue.  Practitioners simply place the sleeve on their index finger, although any finger would work, perform the exam, and quickly get results on whether stool is occult-blood positive or negative.

Traditional rectal exams consist of many inefficiencies that add up to wasted dollars throughout the course of a physician’s practice.  Finding a guaiac card, reliable gloves, and the illusive developer has been shown to increase ED length-of-stay and lower patient satisfaction.

A 5-year internal study demonstrated a 22% reduction in door-to-dispo time and a 35% increase in productivity.  Fiona Madeline, VP of Sales and Marketing for Telameto Corporation, projects the sleeve to be in full production by summer 2015.  “We have several thousand pre-orders already.  However, most are from residents.”

Proponents of the sleeve seem to be hopeful about its financial upside.  “We spend over $5,000 in heme-occult materials per quarter in our department,” says Dr. Jerico Sanchez, an emergency physician from the Pacific Midwest.  “We could be spending that money on more socks and blankets for patients.  Looking at the numbers, we clearly come out winning with the sleeve.”

Not everyone is a fan, however.  The Council of Chief Residents Against Propaganda (C-CRAP), have made it clear that the sleeve can be detrimental to resident education and just a ploy to make money.  “Interns need to appreciate the challenges of traditional rectal exams.  How will they understand the clinical importance of stool texture and looking for developers?  The sleeve is an easy shortcut!” exclaimed a spokesperson for C-CRAP.

The company released its first preview of the Guaiak Sleeve in an energetic infomercial.  It even hints at future clinical applications.  Will cheeks be ready when it rolls out this summer?

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    RealEDdoc

    C-CRAP. Awesome!!

  • Avatar
    Cassie Callaghan

    Haa! The developer really is quite hard to find on most Days

  • Avatar
    Kathy Moffatt

    Ryan McHenry

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    Penelope Benny-José

    Just smear a bit on the ‘blood’ section on a urinalysis stick

  • Avatar
    Candy Gehm Carter

    LOL @ C-CRAP

  • Avatar
    Josh Conroy

    Matt Greber Alex Nesbitt

  • Avatar
    Josh Conroy

    Matt Greber Alex Nesbitt

  • Avatar
    Nate Schneider

    Jennifer Beaty, Jeffrey Albright, Brant Luebbe

  • Avatar
    Nate Schneider

    Jennifer Beaty, Jeffrey Albright, Brant Luebbe

  • Avatar
    Jennifer Spickler McGuire

    Hilarious.

  • Avatar
    Jennifer Spickler McGuire

    Hilarious.

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