TSA Discovers Testicular Cancer on Local Man

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NEWARK, NJ – At the Newark Liberty Airport TSA agent Dennis Brown discovered a lump on a local man’s testicle.

“Let me dig just a little deeper… just protocol, sir”

“I was just doing my job, nothing special,” said hero TSA agent Brown.  “The guy looked sketchy, which means from our training he is traveling alone and doesn’t look like he’ll complain if we pull him aside and do a pat down to make other passengers feel safer.”

During the extensive pat-down, TSA agents are told to “thoroughly inspect the testicles.”  Although no ballsack bombs have been discovered, it is not out of the realm of possibility.

John Roberts, the lucky individual who was diagnosed with testicular cancer at the airport, told reporters, “I’m so thankful the TSA is so thorough in their pat-downs.  It saved my life!”  He went on to describe the moment it was discovered.  “The agent told me he was about to feel my testicles, like a professional, and during the 4th or 5th minute of lifting, and rubbing of all sides of the right testicle, it was discovered.  Then of course he moved to the left.”

“Yup you have cancer on the right, nothing on the left.  You are free to fly.  Thank you, have a good day,” the TSA agent said.

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