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YOUR HOSPITAL, YOUR CITY, YOUR STATE – Ah, crap.  GomerBlog is sad to report… GomerBlog really doesn’t want to tell you this.  But we feel it’s our duty, so here goes.  Don’t shoot the messenger.  Okay, okay.  Deep breath.  GomerBlog is sad to report that You-Know-Who is back in the ER.

emergency room
You-know-who’s back? #%&#$!!!!

I know, I know, it’ll be okay.  Yes, I know You-Know-Who is a frequent flyer and is the “absolute f**king worst.”  That patient was just discharged yesterday?  That… I didn’t know that.

How do we know You-Know-Who’s back?  Take a look at the ER board.  Yep, keep scrolling.  Yeah, there, THERE!  Right there in bed 19.  Easy, easy, I know, I just ruined your day and I’m sorry.  Yep, that patient’s back.  I know, that patient is the (bleep) worst, you just said that.  But you’re finishing up your shift, right?  Oh.  You just started.  Crap.  Again, I’m sorry about this.

But who knows, the patient just got there and… and maybe it’s for something else… and you won’t ever see-

Darn it, the chief complaint just popped up.  Same as always.  Sigh.

Well, at least you’re off after today, right?  You just started your run of shifts, so you say.  Got it.  Crap.  That sucks.  Maybe… No yeah, that sucks.  Man.

Maybe the patient will leave AMA.  Like last time.  Or end up on another service.  Maybe you have a wall down in the ED who’ll discharge… Scratch that, it’s Seavers.  He’s such a (bleep) sieve.  You-Know-Who’s totally getting admitted.

Where are you going?  Where did that suitcase come from?  You turned in a 90-days notice?  When did you… You’re quitting?  Good for you!  Sometimes it’s easier to flee than deal with You-Know-Who, I totally get that.  Hey, you forgot your pen…. HEY!!!  Wow, you sure… do… run… really fast.  Here’s your pen.  But who’ll take care of You-Know-Who?  You don’t (bleep) care?  Fair enough.  Hasta la vista and safe journeys!  Wow that Uber ride came fast!

Hey, excuse me?  Hey, sorry to bother you.  Your colleague just fled the country.  Why? Here, let me show you the ER board.  See right there?   You-Know-Who’s back in the ED. Wait!!!  WAIT!!!  COME BACK!!!

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.