LOS ANGELES, CA – In a move being praised by providers and patients alike, local Have Mercy Hospital has begun implementing a “one for you, one for me” medication program where nurses, doctors, or other care providers are welcome to partake in whatever medications their patients are receiving.
“It’s about time,” says Sandy Holten, long-time floor nurse and first-time morphine addict.
“It really helps take the edge off and helps identify more closely with your patients. Their pain becomes your pain, their relief becomes your walkabout for the kaleidoscope mind.”
“I used to hate taking care of chronic pain patients, but now I look forward to coming in everyday and helping them get through it,” commented a separate floor nurse, who declined to give her real name but instead asked to be called Khaleesi because of the way she’s chasing dragons.
While initially the program met opposition from members of the board who frowned upon the 24/7 Hendrix solos over the PA system and the drastically increased in-hospital mortality, their worries were soon assuaged by the mind-numbing 100% patient satisfaction rating, immediately propping them to the #3 hospital in the nation ranked by USA Today.