BOSTON, MA – In shocking news delivered earlier today, the incumbent letter E has been demoted from its top spot on the Snellen eye chart and the letter T has been promoted to the highly-sought leading role.
“We felt the letter E has brought nothing new to the eye chart over the past few years,” said Greg Janney, editor of the New England Journal of Eye Charts (NEJEC). “It was time to shake things up and rock the world of ophthalmology to its core. We believe this is what the world wants and what the world needs.”
The letter E has been left unchallenged atop the Snellen eye chart for what seems like millennia. Though vowels are extremely disappointed, consonants are ecstatic about the switch. This will be the first time a consonant will be the largest-fonted letter on the Snellen test of visual acuity.
“This is a dream come true,” said the letter T, whose best performance was back in 1997 when it was found on the second line representing 20/100 acuity. Currently it’s on the third line, with fellow letters O and Z. “Patients, optometrists, ophthalmologists, and fellow letters of the alphabet: I will make you proud.”
Admittedly, patients are a bit nervous for the change. “I always had comfort knowing that the first letter was E, that I would always get that first line right, even if I had my eyes closed,” wrote one anonymous patient to GomerBlog. “I don’t know about this T business. Is health care ready for this upheaval of the status quo?”
Only time will tell.
The letter E has taken the news hard and has declined comment, understandably so. But sources close to GomerBlog have spotted the letter E drinking heavily at a local tavern on Sesame Street with close friends – the letters C, D, F, K, P, and U – in an attempt to get totally “F**KED UP.”