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shartingWhy hello boys and girls!  Today’s topic, we try to tell the difference between another two often-confused terms: charting and sharting.  Let’s go!

Charting refers to the process by which health care providers replace face-to-face time with face-to-chart time.  If you did something, it needs to be charted.  If you saw a patient, write a progress note.  If you gave a patient a sandwich, write a sandwich note.

On the other hand, sharting refers to the process by which health care providers replace their underwear and pants because they shat themselves when they thought they were just farting.  Or charting for that matter.

Charting, though painful because it consumes over 99% of the entire workday, is never embarrassing, so in that respect it’s a good thing.  This is different from sharting, which is never painful but always embarrassing.  Especially if wearing white pants.

First priority when sharting is to survey the surroundings: is anyone around?  If the coast is clear, the second priority is to assess the damage: tire tracks or swamp?  In this respect, charting is not as stressful as sharting.

When you’re charting, all you can think about until you finish writing notes is, “Wow, this really sucks.”  When you’re sharting, all you can think about until you change clothes is, “Wow, this really smells” and “Darn it, it’s going down my leg!”  Whereas charting makes one pooped, sharting is pooping.

When someone sees you charting, they sympathize, maybe even empathize: “Gee, I hope that she finishes charting soon.”  When someone sees you sharting, they laugh and point and tell others: “HAHAHAHAHA!!  WHAT A LOSER!!  ONLY LOSERS SHART!”  It’s true: only losers shart.

Sometimes when you’re charting you make a mistake, but it’s easy to addend or even mark in error and start a new note.  Not with sharting.  Sharting in and of itself is a mistake, a huge mistake, and way harder to erase the evidence of it.  In fact, you need to discard your clothes immediately.  But can you get to new clothing before someone spots you?  For that reason, sharting is always worse than charting.

Now, do you know the difference between…
a medical student and a deer in headlights?
a medicine service and a garbage dump?
arthropods & orthopods?
medical students and residents?
RICE & rice?
white clouds & black clouds?

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.