DECATUR, GA – Flooding has closed East Ponce de Leon Avenue and Commerce Drive in downtown Decatur, overwhelming the neighborhood with several feet of amniotic fluid. The cause appears to be a water main break in a pregnant woman’s amniotic sac, which took place at about 10 PM last night.
“A water main break is not uncommon during the winter, but this one’s a doozy,” said Eddie Atkinson, a spokesperson for the DeKalb County Department of Watershed Management (DWM). “Plus, amniotic fluid is a little stickier than water, so there’s a little bit of a gross factor going on.”
City crews are working around the clock to fix the break despite their insistence that an OB/GYN might be more appropriate. As DWM crew member Jenny Parker explained, “I’m comfortable using wrenches and pliers on metal pipes, but on a woman’s uterus and fallopian tubes? Well, that’s just outside my field of expertise.”
Though a full survey of the damage has yet to be performed, it appears that at least 30 homes and downtown businesses have had minor damage due to the sudden rush of amniotic fluid.
In addition, many Decatur residents are upset with the DWM, wondering why this pregnant woman’s water breaking wasn’t prevented. Local resident Leon Kimball told GomerBlog, “They knew the water was gonna break for at least 37 weeks, yet they still did nothing. It’s pure negligence if you ask me.”
According to Atkinson, the identity of the pregnant woman is still unknown. “Unfortunately, the pregnant woman selfishly fled the scene with her husband in order to give birth to their first child,” Atkinson disclosed to the residents of Decatur. “She can’t run forever. We’ll find her, especially if she’s been put on bed rest.”
UPDATE:
GomerBlog has received word that the pregnant woman is well and has successfully given birth to a healthy newborn baby boy. The proud parents have named their new son Rivers. Meanwhile, Decatur residents are gathering sandbags and preparing for an imminent lochia surge.
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