ALEXANDRIA, VA – YES!!!!  The American-Academy of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery has dropped some serious knowledge on the world with their newly-published and much-anticipated updated guidelines on the management of cerumen (earwax) impaction!!  I KNOW!!  The world is absolutely giddy!!

cerumen impaction earwax
Behold, the greatest guidelines to grace this Earth

“It’s like when Star Wars’ Rogue One came out, the universe was just beside itself!” said nephrologist and lifelong fan of earwax (f**k yeah!) Meredith Scott.  The latest update to the beloved guidelines were in 2008.  “That’s nearly 10 years ago!  Ohmigod, I don’t think I can sleep, this is so exciting!”  You bet it is, Meredith!!!!

Cerumen fanboy and cardiologist Gary Pitman agrees and why the hell wouldn’t he?!  “EARWAX GUIDELINES RULE!!!!”  Pitman is hoping to see a lot of admissions for acute on chronic earwax, and you’re not alone, Gary: WE DO TOO!!!

We don’t want to play the role of spoiler, but these recs go balls out.  BALLS OUT.  Here are a few we love, love, LOVE:

  • Clinicians should explain proper ear hygiene to prevent cerumen impaction (Oh hell yeah!  I’m gonna do it right now!!!)
  • Clinicians should treat… cerumen impaction when identified (HALLELUJAH!  It’s too good to be true!!!!)
  • Clinicians should treat… the patient… with an appropriate intervention (Preach, baby, PREACH!!!!”)
  • Clinicians may use irrigation… may use manual removal requiring instrumentation (Ir-ri-gation!!  [Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap]  Ir-ri-gation!!  [Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap])

Really, the only one true downer in all of this amazingness is this one bullet point: Clinicians should recommend against ear candling/coning.  Sigh.  So sad.  This is a defeat to those legions of clinician fans who absolutely adore ear candling and coning.

That being said, take a look outside: Sh*t, you’d think it just struck midnight on New Year’s Day!!  Nations across the planet cannot contain their unbridled joy knowing that earwax can and WILL be managed!!!  American-Academy of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery FTW!!!!!!

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.