Mid-Case and Looking for a Workout, Orthopod Asks Scrub Tech for Dumbbells

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LOS ANGELES, CA – Realizing that this little-old lady’s hip replacement wasn’t giving him the adequate workout and reps he needed, orthopedic surgeon Brock Hammersley asked his scrub tech midway through the case for 50-lb. weights (or dumbbells).

“Hell yeah, brah, that’s what I want!”

“Ummm, we don’t have any weights or dumbbells,” responded Tiana Bellows, the scrub tech on the case.

“Well, find some or call the Stryker rep,” replied Hammersley.  He then whispered over to his sterile untested biceps, “Don’t worry, boys, Brock’s thinking ’bout ya.  Brock’s always thinking ’bout ya!”

It is not uncommon for orthopods to ask for gym equipment during a case.  Though most ask for weights or want to be asked which way is the beach so that they can point and flex their awesome guns, every once in a while orthopods ask for a near-professional gym.  Just last week, Hammersley requested for a set-up so that he could bench press upwards of 350 lbs.  He worked up a good sweat and the med students were happy to wipe his brow.

“I found this,” said Bellows, showing off a sterile medicine ball.

“That’s a medicine ball,” dismissed Hammersley.  “A medicine ball.  That ball’s for Medicine.  If you’re gonna give me a work-out ball, get me the ortho ball.  That’s right, the ORTHO BALL.  You know, the one that’s 150 lbs. of pure lead.  That’s what I’m talking about!  Up top!”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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