• 1.9K

father's dayDads are notoriously difficult to shop for and physicians are no exception.  To help the kids of physicians who just realized that Sunday is Father’s Day, here is a guide to help you figure out what to get your dad based on his subspecialty:

Orthopaedics: A bigger hammer.  The answer is always a bigger hammer powered by a bigger bicep.

Emergency Medicine: A consultant actually happy to come in and see a patient on the weekend regardless of whether or not a workup has been initiated.

Internal Medicine: Orthopaedics to admit one damn patient over 65 years of age to their own damn service.  Just one.

Pediatrics: The ER to complete one entire consult without using the phrases “kiddo,” “little guy/gal,” “munchkin,” or “small adult.”

Dermatology: Golf balls or a noon tee time.  Any day of the week is fine, he’ll be there.

Plastic Surgery: A newer, slightly younger, definitely hotter mom.  Or at least new parts for the old mom.

Neurosurgery: Mandatory helmet laws being followed by motorcyclists.

Transplant surgeon: Mandatory helmet laws not being followed by motorcyclists.

General Surgery: For the ER to drain one perirectal abscess on their own, or for an entire case of false negative guaiac cards to be delivered to the ER.

Cardiology: A full day without a single PVC on any inpatient ward.

GI: Fiber added to the city water.

Psychiatry: Zoloft added to the city water.

Pulmonology: Chantix added to the city water.

Nephrology: Normal urine output for every patient in the hospital for a day.

Radiology: Fully-detailed clinical history on every study ordered.

Infectious diseases: For basically every specialty with a P (except Path) to stop giving out antibiotics for viruses.

Pathology: An entire hospital of surgeons and nurses who know the difference and rationale for fresh versus frozen or a replacement for formalin that doesn’t smell like comet mixed with cat urine.

Urology: For every nurse in the hospital to always remember to deflate the balloon before inserting or removing a Foley and to never inflate the balloon in the urethra.  Or Flomax added to the city water.

OB/GYN: To be respected by other surgeons as surgeons, or at least to have a surgeon explain what fascia is and why it needs to be closed.

Anesthesia: An appreciative surgeon for a patient staying perfectly still for 4 hours despite a promise of 30 minutes of operative time.

Ophthalmology: What do you get a guy who makes $400k in 4 days a week?  Maybe a new tie?

PA/NP: Respect as equals from physicians for even one day.

Female physicians: To go one damn week and not once be assumed to be a nurse/PA/medical student.  It’s not their day, but it would be nice.

Administrators: A soul.

**More great last minute gift ideas for Physician and Nurse dads here in part 1**

  • 1.9K
Naan DerThaal
A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal