covfefeThe world remains baffled: first President Donald Trump tweeted the term “covfefe,” then orthopedic resident Ken Wilker writes the one-word note “covfefe.”  What does it mean?  Depends who you ask.  Gomerblog asked medical subspecialties what they thought “covfefe” means and here’s what they guessed.

Allergy: A third-generation antihistamine.

Anesthesiology: New airway classification system to replace Mallampati.

Bariatric Surgery: Synonymous with panniculus.

Cardiology: Acronym for cardiac output vfib ejection fraction ectopy?

Cardiothoracic Surgery: A technically-difficult CABG.

Critical Care: Code for “botched intubation.”

Dermatology: A malignant skin lesion.

Emergency Medicine: Drug seeker.

Endocrine: The latest DPP-4 inhibitor.

ENT: Used interchangeably with “oral cavity.”

Ethics: A conundrum or dilemma.

Family Medicine: Nuclear family.

Gastrointestinal: A method of removing polyps.

General Surgery: Akin to an obstruction, initially treated with conservative management.

Hematology: An urgent order given in response to anemia, it means “cover with iron, IRON!!”

Hospitalist: A patient who is a rock.

Infectious Diseases: The Covfefe virus is an acute serious illness that is fatal if left untreated.

Nephrology: Modified version of the Cockcroft-Gault equation.

Neurology: Part of the basal ganglia, located between the caudate and putamen.

Neurosurgery: Infected VP shunt.

Nursing: Either stands for “contact precautions for fevers, felines” or is a new curse muttered when the IV starts beeping.

Nutrition: Sorta like Boost or Ensure.

OB/GYN: A really terrible yeast infection.

Occupational Therapy: A patient who won’t cooperate or participate.

Oncology: Another word for metastasis.

Ophthalmology: A layer of cones.

Orthopedic Surgery: The 207th bone in the human body.

Palliative Care: Slang for “medical power of attorney.”

Pathology: Three consecutive frozen sections.

Pediatrics: A stuffed animal.

Pharmacy: A unit of measure equal to 30 milligrams.

Physical Therapy: Like a commode.  As in a 3-in-1 covfefe.

Plastic Surgery: A rare material used in breast implants.

Psychiatry: Acute psychosis.

Pulmonary: A lot of phlegm.

Radiology: Shorthand for “clinically correlate.”

Rheumatology: A connective tissue disorder that responds well to steroids.

Social Services: A type of form that needs to be filled out prior to placement.

Speech Therapy: When a patient fails a modified barium swallow.

Trauma: Another term for “circling the drain.”

Urology: A urologic emergency, similar to priapism.

Vascular Surgery: Sorta like a bruit, but not quite.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.