JACKSONVILLE, FL – Convinced that being on-call isn’t difficult enough in its own right, hospital administrators at Jacksonville Medical Center have successfully completed renovation of its call room such that is “as devoid of hope as ever” and is, in fact, now totally lifeless and guaranteed to cause any health care professional who uses it to spiral into a deep and dark depression.
“Because being on overnight call isn’t nerve-wracking enough, we thought we’d make a few changes, starting with removal of the room’s big, bright window,” said Phil Sucker-Punch, who replaced the view overlooking the city skyline with several rotted 2-by-4s. “Then we shrank the room to an immensely claustrophobic 100 square feet.”
These were not the only improvements. A decrepit desk and infested chair, both found on a neighbor’s random curb one morning before the garbage trucks came around to trash it, were also installed. The TV was replaced with a small broken refrigerator containing 3 dead cockroaches inside. Accents such as paintings or plants were replaced with a collection of outdated paper forms not used since 1982. Hospital administration did keep the “character” of the concrete slabs in its original form.
“We know this renovation might be a radical change for those who use this call room normally, so we made the executive decision to leave the uncomfortable twin bed, whose sheets haven’t been changed let alone washed in over a decade, untouched,” continued Moneybags. The tacky lamp in the corner also remains, which will hopefully be fitted with a working lightbulb by 2029. “Only the best for our staff, right?”
Moneybags say it will be another 2-to-4 weeks before they furnish the room with its own supply of straitjackets to complete the mood.