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MANSFIELD, OH – In a bizarre reversal of fate, a local orthopaedic surgeon accidentally inserted an endotracheal tube into a patient’s airway while draping out the patient for a hardware removal.

Dr. Aricks Lunchbocks was the anesthesiologist in the room.  “I was completely flabbergasted, it was supposed to be a quick screw removal under IV conscious sedation. Right before my 1st break of the case I lifted the drapes and was shocked to see an ET tube in his mouth! I listened and he had good air movement in both lungs, CO2 return and fog in the tube.”

The surgeon for the case and biceps aficionado, Michael Wong, was as confused as anyone. “Lunchbocks looked over the drapes and asked if I put the ET tube in. I can’t even spell ET tube. Besides, why would I do his work when he can’t even do it in under 40 minutes most days?”

This was the first time in recorded history that an orthopaedic surgeon actually inserted an airway with the drapes. Orthopods have removed several thousand ET tubes and LMAs in the past year alone.

When asked to expound on his thoughts about the case, Lunchbocks was more concerned about his job security.  “If ortho figures out how to intubate patients with the drapes, the only thing keeping me from losing my job is knowing where the quarters go into the anesthesia machine.”

Dr. Wong insisted he had no interest in repeating his achievement. “If they find out I can intubate with drapes, they’re going to expect me to do that too. I already do 90% of the work in the OR and 110% of the lifting. Its like the rest of the OR doesn’t care about getting the case accomplished or gains. They definitely don’t care about gains and I’m getting a grip of gains.”

Naan DerThaal
A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal