Purell Foaming Body Sanitizer life-sized

Purell Releases New Life-Sized Foaming Body Sanitizer

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Purell Foaming Body Sanitizer life-sized
“I can’t see the nozzle, can someone press it? It turned off again”

AKRON, OH – Realizing that clean hands was the tip of the iceberg, GOJO Industries, Inc. have announced their biggest and baddest Purell product yet: life-sized Purell Foaming Body Sanitizer.

Compared to its more diminutive Purell Foaming Hand Sanitizer, the new Purell Foaming Body Sanitizer stands at nearly 6-feet tall.  It still contains ethyl alcohol and claims to eradicate 99.9% of germs within 15 seconds of contact anywhere on the human body (crotch included).  Rather than rubbing it all over one’s hands, the foam should be rubbed over the entire body from head to toe (yes, crotch included).

“The Joint Commission and, well, patients themselves are demanding good hygiene from their providers,” said Purell spokesperson Paula Rydell, noting that this was the obvious evolutionary step hand sanitizers had to take.  “In reality, they wanted health care providers to shower before and after each patient encounter, but that was too time intensive.  That’s where we stepped in.  It’s the perfect compromise.”

Gomerblog tested the product, and it is not perfect by any means.  First, it takes quite a bit of upper body strength to create enough down force on the nozzle to activate it.  Then, once activated, it only lasts a few seconds; you have to keep repeating these tiring actions.  85% of Gomerblog testers developed rhabdomyolysis using Purell’s new mutant product.

If the body sanitizer falls over, the ungodly weight of the main drum can cause massive crush injuries.  It also requires a team of no less than 10 people to stand it up again.  Finally, there’s the issue of having to get naked in the hospital and clinic hallways to use it: Purell recommends placing the body sanitizer just outside a patient’s room, just like their hand sanitizers, and fully undressing prior to use.

All that being said, GOJO Industries, Inc. is optimistic about its roll-out.  “We expect this will be really successful,” explained Rydell, “so don’t be surprised if shower heads become a thing of the past and every family has a Purell Foaming Body Sanitizer in their bathroom.”

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