CINCINNATI, OH – The recent uptick in teenagers intentionally eating Tide Pods has been garnering a lot of media attention lately, but the real danger has been virtually ignored. According to professional nutjob and snake oil saleswoman, Jenny McCarthy, Tide Pods have “dangerously high levels of gluten and GMOs.”
“They’re like full of gluten and mercury and modified things that all probably cause autism. I wrote about it on my blog after reading it on another blog so you know it’s true,” McCarthy droned on with a level of confidence befitting someone who can actually read. “Tide Pods are brown in nature, even the colors are added after they pick them!”
We here at Gomerblog had no idea what the hell McCarthy is talking about, but that has been a constant ever since she left her career and her mind behind when she left MTV’s Singled Out.
In an effort to stem this dangerous epidemic of teenage Tide Pod consumption, Proctor and Gamble have announced that they’re going to change the packaging of Tide Pods to look like vegetables.