Tide Pods Found to Have Dangerously High Levels of Gluten and GMOs

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CINCINNATI, OH – The recent uptick in teenagers intentionally eating Tide Pods has been garnering a lot of media attention lately, but the real danger has been virtually ignored.  According to professional nutjob and snake oil saleswoman, Jenny McCarthy, Tide Pods have “dangerously high levels of gluten and GMOs.”

Mmm…tide pods…

“They’re like full of gluten and mercury and modified things that all probably cause autism.  I wrote about it on my blog after reading it on another blog so you know it’s true,” McCarthy droned on with a level of confidence befitting someone who can actually read. “Tide Pods are brown in nature, even the colors are added after they pick them!”

We here at Gomerblog had no idea what the hell McCarthy is talking about, but that has been a constant ever since she left her career and her mind behind when she left MTV’s Singled Out.

In an effort to stem this dangerous epidemic of teenage Tide Pod consumption, Proctor and Gamble have announced that they’re going to change the packaging of Tide Pods to look like vegetables.

  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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