ER Doc Closes Papercut with 14 Stitches to Protect Gang Member’s Street Cred

  • 370

Los Angeles, CA- Jose “Mierda Verde” Sinhuevos is one of the most feared member of the West Hollywood Nacho Libre Street gang.

“Doc said it was the worst paper cut he’s ever seen!”

Last week while reading his the latest issue of the Chulo Weekly newsletter, Sinhuevos sustained a papercut to his right index finger.

He knew it was serious when he saw a drop of blood and went straight to the local ER where he saw Dr. Baron Asset.

“When treating gang members you really have to take their non-medical needs into consideration, mostly their street-cred” Dr. Asset explained. “If their homeboys find out that they only needed 1 suture or a bandaid for a wound, they might as well get caught twerking to MMMBop.”

When Asset realized that Mierda Verde’s “wound” could adequately be treated with a bandaid or even a warm hug, his compassionate provider training came through. “I put in 4 deep deep dermal stitches of 8-0 Vicryl, 4 deep dermal 7-0 Monocryll, 3 subcuticular 6-0 Monocryll, and 3 interrupted 5-0 Nylon sutures in the skin.”

“Did I need 14 sutures? Of course not. A Hello Kitty bandaid would have been fine, but Sinhuevos has a rep to uphold. 14 stitches will maintain his street cred as long as he doesn’t show anyone his wound.”

Mierda Verde was appreciative of Dr. Asset’s efforts, “I’ll make sure we don’t tag his neighborhood or pop caps in the asses of him or his loved ones. He’s familia now. Mucho amor y respeto!”


  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

  • Show Comments

You May Also Like

Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio a Strong Intelligence Predictor

2.4KSharesBIRMINGHAM, AL – Hospital administrators have been searching for better ways to educate patients ...


Medical Specialty Sock Memes, Part 1

5.1KSharesNeed help differentiating medical specialties?  In addition to organ systems, board scores, salaries, lifestyle ...

emergency room physician

Emergency Medicine Society Recommends a Rectal Exam to Rule-Out Back Pain

2.1KSharesCLEVELAND, OH – New 2016 guidelines on diagnosing pain in the emergency department were ...


You Don’t Need an Ambulance, You Need a Waaaaambulance

1.8KShares Ambulance Waaaaambulance Syncope in elderly man, falls and cracks skull X Syncope in ...


Wilderness Medicine Residency Approved by ACGME, Offers to Pay Trainees in Pine Cones

469SharesBURLINGTON, VT – Enter the profession of wilderness medicine – every closeted survivalist’s dream come true ...