septic colonized keyboard

Breaking: Colonized Computer Keyboard Finally Becomes Septic

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LOS ANGELES, CA – Gomerblog has learned that a computer keyboard colonized with a whole host of microorganisms at the nurses station on Unit 4A of Los Angeles Medical Center (LAMC) has become septic, prompting transfer to the medical intensive care unit (MICU) for further management. 

septic colonized keyboard
“Don’t touch that!!!!”

It’s no secret that computers, computer keyboards, and computer mice are colonized with microorganisms despite routine hand-washing or use of alcohol-based foam,” said LAMC Chief Information Officer (CIO) Wes Anderson, who has empirically started his desktop on Augmentin (amoxicillin-clavulanate).  “The possibility of these devices becoming septic is always a possibility.  Today the worst-case scenario came true.” 

At approximately 4 AM this morning, nurse Brandi Hammond noticed the keyboard was unresponsive and diaphoretic with a profuse amount of pus and loose stool draining from under the Space bar and Enter keys.  The rapid response team was called.  The keyboard was started on intravenous fluids and immediately unplugged to prevent spread to the desktop before being sent to the MICU.

Upon entering the MICU, the infected keyboard is also on vancomycin, Zosyn, and two vasopressors.  General Surgery has been consulted for possible incision & drainage, but will likely defer to Interventional Radiology to see if its amenable to CT-guided drainage.  C. difficile infection remains high on the differential.

“The keyboard is in rough shape right now, and it really smells like sh*t,” said critical care attending Albert Carlile, who states taking care of a patient that is both unresponsive and not human presents quite a few challenges.  “We would have intubated the keyboard by now but we’re not sure where to insert the endotracheal tube.” 

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