Delta WiFi bicarb

Breaking: Code Team Resuscitates Flatlining WiFi Signal on Delta Flight

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Delta flatlining WiFi
“WiFi is down, call for help!!”

DELTA 1554 – Progressively becoming more altered and unresponsive as the flight from Los Angeles to Atlanta climbed towards cruising altitude, the Atlanta-based Delta crew didn’t simply ask if there was a doctor on board they called a Code Blue in the hopes of resuscitating the flatlining GoGo WiFi signal.

Frustrated passengers brought the issue to the Delta team on board, noting that it was taking 10 minutes for the log-in screen to appear, consistent with a true in-flight emergency of the highest order.  As one passenger put it, “I think the WiFi is circling the drain, someone needs to intervene immediately.” 

Alerted by the flight attendants, Captain Jack Wilson announced a Code Blue overhead and within 60 seconds the Code Blue team had made is way onto the eastbound Delta flight, though it befuddles many how they managed to do so considering they were not ticketed passengers.  When asked how they climbed on board, Code Team nurse Brenda Lindbergh simply said, “Doesn’t matter where there’s a cardiopulmonary arrest, if it’s called we respond.  Even if it’s 20,000 feet in the air.  That’s just what we do.” 

With no detectable pulse and no evidence it was DNR/DNI, the Code Team began high-quality CPR on the WiFI antennae that appeared to be bereft of life.  An AED was attached and revealed pulse electric activity.  Going through the checklist of reversible causes, respiratory therapist Sierra Nichols blurted out, “Hypoxemic from the altitude?”  Swiftly, she intubated the antennae.  Meanwhile, it was when the WiFi antennae received its second dose of epinephrine that its signal was restored. 

The WiFi remains in stable condition.

The passengers on Delta 1554 rejoiced, before turning their eyes back to their laptops and smart phones so they could immediately go back to not interacting with one another, doing nothing in particular on their devices.

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