pilot med student turbulence

Doing the Right Thing: Pilot Blames Turbulence on Anesthesia

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DELTA 272 – Occasional rough patches of air during a flight isn’t uncommon, ask any pilot.  However, to Delta pilot Captain Jack Wilson, who just flew from New York’s John F. Kennedy International Airport to Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, the turbulence was more pronounced than usual and he had only Anesthesia to blame.

pilot med student turbulence
Captain Jack Wilson is pissed at Anesthesia

“I don’t know why but I have a gut feeling Anesthesia was behind this,” said Wilson, who apologized to Delta passengers about the bumpy ride before going on a 30-minute tirade about the ills associated with healthcare’s most blamed profession.  “I hear my medical friends complain about them all the time, so I got to thinking, maybe they’re behind a host of other problems as well.” 

Over the years, Wilson and other pilots have noted that when in-flight emergencies are called, the first thing volunteering health care professionals mouth to themselves or towards flight attendants is “F**king Anesthesia.”

“I must have heard that phrase a good 40, 50 times by now, and that’s probably the reason why I consider Anesthesia an enemy, I’ve heard so many bad things about them,” Wilson continued to understandably lament.  “I know they’re behind turbulence, I just know it.” 

The Air Line Pilots Association (ALPA) has one leading theory as to Anesthesia’s cause of turbulence: drapes.  It is no secret that Anesthesia likes unwrinkled drapes, and perhaps one way to achieve that is to violently flap the sheets in the wind.  That might, just might cause enough disturbance to ruin the atmosphere for pilots and their passengers. 

Shortly after landing, Wilson, his co-pilot, crew, and passengers proceeded home where they all proceeded to file complaints with the American Society of Anesthesiologists. 

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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