tilt table

Breaking: Tilt Table All Crooked & Sh*t

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tilt tableATLANTA, GA – In breaking news to Gomerblog, hospitalists, cardiologists, and neurologists at Emory Healthcare have come to a rare consensus, agreeing this tilt table is all crooked & sh*t.

“Look at it, just look at it!” cardiologist Dr. Wayne Bryan insisted, completely exasperated by the specialized device sitting currently at 70 degrees above supine.  Hundreds of cardiologists, hospitalists, and neurologists packed into the electrophysiology lab nod their heads in agreement.  “We can’t subject patients to such a wacky device like this, it’s unethical.”

One hospitalist, Dr. Michael Thomas, had to look away, covering his eyes and trying to not to vomit.  “That’s f**ked up,” he was overheard saying to his colleagues.

There are several indications for ordering a tilt table test, which include but are not limited to patients with suspected vasovagal syncope, patients with recurrent syncope of unclear etiology, or patients with a single episode of syncope of unclear etiology in high-risk settings.

According to sources, Bryan has already called for support and, if everything goes exactly as planned, like most other technological issues in the health care setting, the tilt table should be fixed in approximately never.

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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