C-collar cervical collar neck brace

Med Student Struggling to Fit C-Collar onto Woman’s Cervix

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BALTIMORE, MD – A first-year medical student at The Hoppin’ Johns University is struggling to place a woman’s cervix into a C-collar this morning.

“You plan to do what with that?” asked patient Heather Hansard, unclear if she had heard the student correctly.

“This is called a cervical collar, so it needs to be placed around your cervix,” commented medical student Ryan Woods, who is two parts nervous, one part confused, and three parts hopeless. “It will help stabilize it.”

“Don’t you mean it should placed around my neck? My… everything down there is just fine,” Hansard insisted, trying to stand her ground without hurting the student’s feelings. She presented to the emergency room with neck pain after her car was rear-ended.

“No, that’s what a neck brace is for,” replied Woods.

As much as we really wanted to let this play out, Gomerblog has intervened to prevent this poor woman from being subjected to a pelvic neck brace. We have also patted Woods on the head and said, “There, there. There, there.” He been sent to the timeout cage to think about what he did.

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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